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No, this column is not written by Mr. Perfect.

Perfect Perception-April 12, 2002

by the PerfectOne

Welcome to the inaugural edition of the Perfect Perception.  I plan on giving you, the fans, my expertise on wrestling today.  My intellectual insights will astound you.  This will be the most shocking thing to happen to wrestling since Owen Hart (God rest him) kicked Bret Hart's leg out of his leg.  So, let's get straight into it, this week with a half-assed Smackdown Review.

Half-Assed Smackdown Review

OK.  Here's the deal.  Where I live, I do not get Smackdown.  However, I ran home today, where I have a tape set to record every week.  The only thing is that the VCR did not reset to meet the daylight savings time change.  But not to worry, as I did catch the second half of the show.  So, let's begin.

Edge V. Chris Jericho

I caught the tail end of this match.  Kurt Angle interfered to help Jericho get the win over Edge.  Boy, haven't seen this match before on WWF television.  It's things like this that makes the prospect of watching Raw much more enticing, since most of the people on that show are guys that have had very little airtime in the past.

Winner:  Chris Jericho

After the match, Edge caught up with Angle in the back, only to be double-teamed once again once Jericho starts to beat the coolness from Edge.  You could see it oozing from Edge (not quite as bad as the machismo Scott Hall once oozed when he was Razor Ramon, yet noticeable enough).  Anyhow, Hulk Hogan (or Hollywood Hulk Hogan, depending on what time of day it is) came in and made the save before being tagged by Angle, allowing Jericho and Angle to get away.  Cole and Tazz basically say Hogan is a good Samaritan, and should be named Humanitarian of the Year for saving Edge.

Vince McMahon Air Time to Hog...err...Personal Assistant Interviews

I knew this would get raunchy.  Not as bad as some things in the past, but bad enough.  Anyhow, Stacy Kiebler has apparently been lobbying Vince to be his personal assistant, so tonight he would make his decision.  There were four candidates.  The first was some librarian type woman, who proceeded she could type 95 words per minute and had no problem doing personal errands.  After Vince finished puking, he needed to see the rest of the candidates.  Next, some guy walked out wearing a suit.  After he sat down, Vince ordered him to leave the ring...immediately!  Next, it was some blonde, but Vince wanted one more candidate.  Stacy came out and told the latest candidate to get out, because she was going to show her qualifications.  She proceeded to dance upon Vince's desk and forced Vince to have a heart attack.  After he gained control of himself, he proclaimed that Stacy was hired, with the approval of the crowd!  Now, Vince is a genius, but was all of this necessary?

Vince McMahon's Office

There was a knock on the door.  In walks D Von Dudley, wearing a suit!!!  Vince told D Von that he didn't want him around unless he was ready to become a superstar.  D Von said he did some looking within himself, and not only found his drive, but also found the lord.  Good Lord.  D Von is a preacher now on TV.  D Von would then say he needs a benefactor to help him force the sinners of the world to repent.  Vince, still recovering from earlier, agrees to finance D Von in his mission to help the sinners.  Uh-oh, maybe Hogan's claim to Humanitarian of the Year is in jeopardy now.  My question is, where is this idea going?  Maybe D Von will feud with DDP.  You know, preacher versus preacher of sorts.  D Von, with the power of the lord, and DDP with the power of positive thinking and believing in yourself.  Interesting thought, but will it work?  Will the WWF even go this way?  Who knows, I guess those that get to watch Smackdown on a consistent basis will find out!

Mark Henry "Test" of Strength

Mark Henry was apparently challenged to a test of strength earlier in the evening.  He would put his back up against the wall, and hold back a limo being driven by Test for 30 seconds.  Henry would accomplish this feat, only for Test to pick up the acceleration afterwards.  Henry would be hurt, and Test would say that it's fair, Henry won his money.  In my intellectual opinion, I see a match between Test and Mark Henry in the near future.  That should be, umm, interesting.

Chuck w. Billy and Rico V. Al Snow w. Maven

Wow, this is the first full match of the second hour.  It's becoming more and more apparent that Raw will feature more wrestling than Smackdown will.  Umm, anything of significance with this match?  Rico was chased from the ring by Maven, and it looks like Snow and Maven will become a tag team.  Makes sense, since they're on the show of big names and cruiserweights, they don't quite fit in.  It's only fitting that they form a team.  As far as my opinion on Billy and Chuck.  People hate them.  Whatever the reason may be, they are hated.  That's what is to be expected, so deal with it.

Winner:  Al Snow

Hulk Hogan and Triple H have a chat

Hogan enters the locker room of Triple H (that's Hunter Hearst Helmsley for those of you who didn't know).  Hogan tells Triple H that he has his back tonight if Jericho tries to interfere in Hunter's match with Kurt Angle.  Triple H says thanks, but no thanks, and get your ass out of my locker room.  Hogan, feeling slighted, leaves.  I wonder what will happen.

Triple H (that's Hunter Hearst Helmsley) V. Kurt Angle

OK.  What is the deal with Kurt Angle's thong?  Why did we have to be subjected to that for so long?  And why did Hunter seem to enjoy smacking Kurt's bare ass the way he did?  Luckily, after a few minutes, Angle pulled his wrestling attire back up and we were free to watch the match ass-free.  But then, Chris Jericho (the living legend himself) interfered and attacked HHH.  Hogan would make the save, thus allowing Hunter to get the win.  

Winner:  Triple H

After the match, Jericho would push Hunter into Hogan, and got out of the ring.  Hogan turned around and saw only HHH, gave him the boot and the leg drop.  Angle and Jericho attacked both Hogan and Hunter, and stood over their fallen foes.  I predict a tag match next Thursday between Angle and Jericho versus Hunter and Hogan.  This is an old formula, eh?  Team the two guys who will fight for the WWF title in a PPV match just before the PPV (Backlash).  I predict there will be an eruption of some sort and Hogan and Triple H will beat the hell out of each other before this one is over and done with.

All in all, the half of Smackdown was watchable, but somewhat predictable.  Right now, I think Raw is generating more (pardon the pun) raw heat, since most of the guys on the show are lesser known and hungry.  The intrigue of how these guys will be pushed is great.  Although I was slightly critical of it above, I like the fact that D Von Dudley is getting a chance to shine as a singles competitor in the WWF.  Hopefully the preacher gimmick will work for him on Smackdown.  The worst part of Smackdown was Kurt Angle's thong.  I don't ever want to see that crap again.

Don't forget to watch my hero Mr. Perfect this Monday on Raw.  Hopefully his match will count this time, the last two weeks were just exhibitions:  they never happened.

Until next time, I am the PerfectOne.

© 2002 The Outside Influence
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