Greetings everyone. My name is Dan Glamour and I'm writing to you "From The Cheap Seats". Speaking of seats, it seems that this year's WWE King of the Ring will be taking place in Columbus, Ohio. Now being that I am from Cleveland, Ohio; I will be there. Tazz's favorite mom and her husband were able to secure tickets for the event. But wait there is more…
WWE RAW the next night comes to you live from the Gund Arena in Cleveland, Ohio which means that I will also be at that event. I am really going to be sick of wrestling after that. So that means that instead of earlier in the week. I will have a special column on Friday to tell you all about my WWE experience.
Now before I get to RAW, I want to talk about Tough Enough 2. How can the WWE do that? Both Jackie and Linda won Tough Enough 2. I think that is ridiculous. If I am…great I can't remember there names…the male finalists of Tough Enough 2, I am really pissed right now.
Hopefully this is an attempt by the WWE to jumpstart their poor excuse for a Women's division. Here's the thing though. I don't want to see Linda or Jackie on WWE television right away again. Let them wrestle in dark matches for about a year so that Chyna Junior (Jackie) and Coffee Jugs (Linda) can improve on their wrestling skills.
RAW starts off with an interview (SURPRISE SURPRISE). Christ Benoit explains to everyone else what I already knew. Christ Benoit is upset with Steve Austin because he is the one who caused Benoit's injury at King of the Ring last year. That match by the way of a horrible match between Benoit vs. Jericho vs. Austin. I don't recommend watching it. Booker T did a run in too and nearly ended Austin's career by putting him through a table incorrectly. Although I am not sure that there is a correct way to put someone through a table.
HOLY COW!!! In the middle of the interview with Benoit, Guerrero, and Flair; Steve Austin appears on the Titantron. Hey, the WWE writers must have thought that putting on Austin at the beginning of the program would boost ratings. Nice to see Austin have an actual role on RAW. Austin beat up on Arn Anderson. Still think that he isn't a stooge?
Steve Austin vs. Ric Flair on RAW, perhaps they should have saved that for the PPV but of course last week's Ladder Match could have also headlined a PPV card. If Flair loses then Austin is off the bench. At that point, I knew that Austin was going win because you can't keep Stonecold on the bench forever.
Pissing on people is SO NOT COOL!!! That is about as fun as watching someone drink Tobacco juice. It was obvious that it was something other than pee on Arn Anderson. I mean if Austin is pissing green then he might want to see a doctor…IMMEDIATELY!!!
Let me summarize the Hardcore title match. Bradshaw is from Texas and is wrestling Steven Richards for the Hardcore Title. See where I am going here. Bradshaw whips Steven's ass. Bradshaw is the new Hardcore champion. Some other wrestlers come down and try to beat Bradshaw. They are all unsuccessful but what is different is that Bradshaw actually walks out of RAW as the champion, instead of Steven rewinning it. Jackie (the black one) looked like she was going to attack Bradshaw too for the belt. Jackie, I'm sorry but YOU SUCK!!! I saw a little bit of WWE Sunday Night Heat on…well Sunday. Jackie was doing commentary and she was doing horrible. My God that was awful. I think Jackie needs to take a trip down to Ohio Valley Wrestling.
Goldust is still funny. As the He-Man Women Haters club…I mean the NWO are meeting, Goldust does the worst Jonathan Coachman impression and asks the NWO if the big announcement is that Goldust will be the newest member of the NWO.
God damn this spell check. If you look back on some of my older columns notice that when it should say "NWO" it says "NOW". Damn thing drives me crazy. I feel better now.
Booker T ruined the Goldust vs. X-Pac for me. Booker T told Kevin Nash that if X-Pac loses to Goldust, X-Pac is out and Goldust is in. HELLO!?! Nobody is getting kicked out of the NWO, yet. X-Pac picks up the win and advances in the King of the Ring tournament.
I really didn't like the Rob Van Dam interview where Brock Lesner and Paul Heyman interrupted. Paul is getting on my nerves. He is not like Paul E. Dangerously back in WCW. Paul Heyman is about ten times worse. I liked Dangerously but having him turned up about 10 notches is a bad idea.
Jeff Hardy is right. What is the point of being a tag team on RAW? As a team, you will never get a title shot because the tag team titles are on Smackdown. The only thing that a tag team can do as a team on RAW is collect victories over two wrestlers that are just thrown together. Goldust and Booker T would be a good example of two wrestlers just thrown together.
Ric Flair is shown with a shit load of security and his attorney. Ric then starts making putting more stupid clauses into the contract for the match. Steve Austin cannot use closed fists during the match and he is DQed. If Austin loses then he has to become Ric Flair's personal assistant. Why? Flair already has Arn Anderson.
Terri took on Trish Stratus in a Lingerie match for the WWE Women's Title. Man, both Terri and Trish are hot. I was so awe struck by them. I watch the match in its entirety with my mouth hanging open. If more hot chicks fought each other in lingerie, I might like the Women's division better.
Arn Anderson is whining to Chris Benoit about what happened earlier on. Hmm…a veteran wrestler complaining about something that Austin did. Remind you of anyone? Cough…Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco.
Good tag team match between Brock Lesner and Eddie Guerrero vs. Bubba Ray Dudley and Rob Van Dam. Fast paced action all around. I see a possible Rob Van Dam vs. Brock Lesner feud down the road.
Booker T easily beats William Regal to advance in the King of the Ring tournament. I like Booker T's chances in the King of the Ring tournament. Hell…I will go out on a limb and say that Booker T will win the King of the Ring.
The WWE is making Tommy Dreamer LAME!!! Tommy Dreamer carrying around a bucket and puking is not cool. Puking is not cool in general unless Droz does it because he can puke at will. The Undertaker easily beats Tommy Dreamer. If the Undertaker is going to keep doing this week after week, then maybe he should just wrestle on WWE Smackdown. Watching the Undertaker beat up former ECW stars is also getting LAME!!! Is there anybody good that the Undertaker could wrestle that was from ECW on RAW? Hmm…actually Benoit, Guerrero and, Steve Austin have all been in ECW. Nevermind, you get my point. Have the Undertaker wrestler jobbers for the title on Sunday Night Heat.
Jeff Hardy comes out of nowhere after the match is over and attacks Mark O. Godwin aka the Undertaker. Looks like Jeff Hardy wants to actually do something but I have a feeling that come this Monday night, the Undertaker is going to destroy Jeff Hardy too. We kind of see a prelude to this when the Undertaker beats the hell out of Matt Hardy in the dressing room.
Kevin Nash's big announcement is that…SHAWN MICHAELS IS THE NEWEST MEMBER OF THE NWO!!! Okay…so now what? First of all, why is Shawn with them? Shawn should have stopped dancing and actually got on the microphone. If I wanted to see men dance around, there are plenty of places on the Internet where I could go. I don't want to see that by the way. Shawn Michaels better have an explanation next week. Hmm…it seems that
Debra Mason found out that Ric Flair's lawyer screwed up the contract. It now appears that the loser of the match, has to be the other wrestler's assistant. Another give away for the ending.
The Ric Flair vs. Steve Austin match was okay. It could have been better. The whole Austin can't throw a punch thing was stupid. It really took away from the match. Steve Austin wins in less than dramatic fashion with a Stunner on Ric Flair.
RAW was watchable again this week. Bradshaw wins the Hardcore Title in his home state of Texas but he will probably lose it next week. X-Pac and Booker T advance in the King of the Ring Tournament. Hmm…let's see Kevin Nash, Shawn Michaels, X-Pac, The Big Show, and Booker T. Which of these names doesn't belong? Booker T's tenure with the NWO might be NWOver after King of the Ring. The Undertaker has yet another lame match with Tommy Dreamer. Ric Flair is starting to remind me of Eric Bishoff. Finally the Austin and Flair feud is getting a little more steam due to the fact that Steve Austin appears during the program instead of right at the very end of RAW. And speaking of the end….
The Outside Influence
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