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FINALLY THE WWF HAS COME BACK TO WHEELING, WEST BY GOD VIRGINIA!!! It has been three years since the WWF had RAW is WAR/Warzone in Wheeling. As I was looking at the Wheeling Civic Center, I can't imagine how they could have RAW there. Good facility to watch wrestling.

This is a special edition of "From the Cheap Seats" and actually I lied on Monday when I said that I was actually going to be sitting in the cheap seats. Instead of the twenty-dollar seats, I bought thirty-dollar seats. It was a good seat in my opinion.

Going to a wrestling event or watching wrestling by yourself, sucks. None of my wrestling friends could go but I was not going to let that stop me. I did enjoy myself thoroughly though. The lighting was horrible though. It was very difficult to get any good pictures. Luckily I had my digital camera with me.

The houseshow was not a sell out to my surprise. I bought my ticket on Tuesday. I'd say that the Wheeling Civic Center was about two thirds full. I've got a few observations about the crowd too. First of all, why would anyone bring a homemade sign to a houseshow. It is a NON TELEVISED EVENT!!! Nobody cares about your creativity, not even the wrestlers. I was also checking out for wrestling chicks. Now maybe this is just for West Virginia because this was not the case in Toronto, Canada. If there was a hot chick, then they had a boyfriend with them. The only other chicks were "mopeds". Now if you don't know what a "moped" is then I am not going to explain it for you. I will say that they are female and very fat. 

Tony Chimmel comes out and reads us the riot act about how laser pens and video cameras are not permitted. Don't throw anything into the ring. Stuff like that. 

The opening match was for the Cruiserweight title as Billy Kidman took on Tajiri. Torrie Wilson was not with Tajiri and that was one of the disappointing moments that Torrie had in the evening. Before the match, Tajiri was trying to get a reaction from the crowd by standing up on the turnbuckle. Tajiri was booed so then Kidman got up on the turnbuckle and got a nice pop. Tajiri decided to try to again and got booed again. Kidman was about to do it for a second time but had the referee climb the turnbuckle instead. The referee got a nice reaction from the audience. Typical Cruiserweight match. No Shooting Star Press. Tajiri had the Tarantula on Kidman for a about 15 seconds. Tajiri wins with a superkick to the face. After the match, Kidman was favoring his knee. I don't know if he was hurt or if he was selling the match.

Teddy Long came out for the next match and the crowd was really cheering for him. There was even a "Teddy Long" chat going. I couldn't believe it. The next match was Chavo Guerrero vs. Funaki. Now in my opinion, Funaki only has a job in the WWF because he is a friend of Steve Austin. They might was well call him Brutus "The Barber" Funaki. He is a jobber for life so they could also call him Funaki Horowitz. This was a boring match and I didn't pay much attention to it. Chavo Guerrero wins.

D-Von Dudley comes to the ring for the next match. This is really the first time that I have seen D-Von in his preacher gimmick and I liked his ring attire. D-Von gets on the microphone and rips on the crowd. It is Wheeling, West Virginia and it was so easy. Nobody made a joke about anyone in the crowd dating their cousin. Tazz was his opponent and Tazz actually won this match with the Tazzmission. After the match as D-Von was walking to the back, he kept going over to fans and as he went to shake their he pulled his hand away. I love that.

Next was Randy Orton vs. Hardcore Holly. It was an okay match with Hardcore having control for most of it. Randy Orton won with a roll up. 

The six man tag team match surprised me. It was Christian, Lance Storm, and Albert vs. The Big Valbowski, The Hurricane, and Mark Henry. Albert was taunting Mark Henry so the Hurricane stepped in between them and wanted a piece of Albert. The Hurricane was also making fun of Christian by throwing a temper tantrum. The Hurricane is hillarious. Albert needs to wear some wrestling tights. He looks like a retarded Steve Austin with piercings. Mark Henry does not look like he lost any weight from the time he spent in Ohio Valley Wrestling. He looked a lot better wrestling wise though. Mark Henry wins it for his team after he caught Lance Storm and powerslammed him. After the match, the Hurricane ties his cape around his waste and pretends to be Val. Before Mark Henry can leave, Val and Hurricane bring him back into the ring so that he can use Hurricane's cape and do a Val impression too. Hurricane's was much better.

As I was running to the bathroom, Tony Chimmel announces the Smackdown Swimsuit Challenge. I ran out of the bathroom and got there just in time. Whew! What a disappoint it was. Ivory, Stacey, and Torrie all come down in robes and are in the ring. Ivory get on the microphone and starts to rip on the audience and called us perverts and told one kid that he should be studying. Ivory did not want to take off her robe so Stacey and Torrie ripped it off. I find Ivory to be very attractive. Ivory grabbed her robe and ran out of the ring. Now Stacey and Torrie had some nice bikini's but for most of the competition, they had their backs to me. Now this upset me because I am a breast man and not an ass man (insert Billy Gunn joke here). Torrie of course won or so Tony Chimmel said. Stacey isn't happy and a very short catfight happens. It was way too short too. I like catfights and breasts, what can I say. 

Rikishi vs. Test was next. This was an okay match. There was obviously a stinkface on Test. It must suck for Test though. He will probably have to fight Rikishi a couple of more times this week and have to have Rikishi's ass in his face. That is not a pleasant feeling, not that I know from experience, I'm just saying it would not be pleasant. Test wins with the big boot.

Al Snow and Maven challenged Billy and Chuck for the tag team titles. I am becoming more impressed with Maven's in ring skills. He looks to be improving. This was a pretty good match. Rico of course interfered which allowed Billy and Chuck to retain their titles. After the match it looked as if Al Snow was going to attack Maven. But they made up, hugged, and raised each others arms. Al Snow decided to chase Tony Chimmel around the ring before and after the match. I don't know what was up with that.

Tony Chimmel comes out and informs the audience that there will be an intermission before the main event of the evening. Tony Chimmel also told everyone where the merchandise booth was too. I bought a pair of Christian sunglasses because they totally reek of awesomeness. 

The main event was advertised as Edge vs. Kurt Angle in a No DQ match. It turned out to be a Steel Cage Match. I noticed that as they were putting up the Steel Cage that Mike Ceoda was setting up the cage along with the rest of the crew. He must have pissed somebody off. Tony Chimmel also said that the Steel Cage was fifteen feet high. I don't think it was that high. 

Steel Cage matches should only end when a person escapes the cage via the cage door or over the top of the cage. Nobody wants to see a pin fall or submission inside a cage. Edge vs. Kurt Angle was the match of the night. A lot of near falls. Kurt Angle and Edge were throwing each into the cage a lot. Edge hit Angle with a Spear and Kurt hit the Angle Slam and some rolling German suplexes. Edge was about to escape through the door when Lance Storm came out and slammed the door into Edge's head. Kurt took advantage and climbed the cage. But before Kurt could make it out, Edge got up and pulled Kurt's tights down. He was wearing a thong. If I never have to see Kurt Angle's ass again, it will still be too soon. Edge then escaped the cage through the door. 

Kurt Angle got the microphone and started to taunt the Wheeling crowd. Kurt was playing to the crowd who was yelling "WHAT!?!" I actually started to yell "WHAT!?!" too. Kurt then started taking to the referee who was still in the ring. Then Kurt took out his frustrations on the referee and started beating the crap out of him. It wasn't looking good for the referee until it kicked Kurt Angle in the balls. The referee ran out of the cage right away. Kurt Angle was hurting. He grabs the microphone again and assures the crowd that their "olympic hero" is okay. He said his balls hurt him. He told the crowd that he was going to go home to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. This got a lot of boos and I booed too because I am from Cleveland. Pittsburgh is an hour away from Wheeling. Kurt told us he was going to put some ice on his balls. Sit on his couch and watch television. Preferably Mr. Rogers which Kurt has on tape. Kurt is then going to go to bed and then have sex with his wife. He didn't actually say that but I forget what he used to have sex. Then he left the ring and the crowd was singing along by saying "YOU SUCK!!!" That was fun to do.

So I left the arena and was in my car right away. I ended up sitting in a parking garage for a half an hour. Now I've got a few complaints. First of all, some asshole with a classic car decided to keep reving up his engine inside the parking garage. Idiot, like I needed to take a wiff of your exhaust. The car in front of me decided to let every other car go in front of her. I am sorry to say but in a parking garage, I am a complete dick. Nobody is going ahead of me as I am exiting the garage. Only if there are very few cars, will I let someone get ahead of me. 

Hmm…I don't have a rating for live events but I thought that was a good card. Well worth my money. Houseshows are nice to go to every once in a while. It was a nice treat to see the Smackdown roster because I don't get watch Smackdown on a regular basis. I watch RAW every week, which is what I write about in this very column "From The Cheap Seats". Check it out sometime. So until next Monday night…

Peace Out,

Dan Glamour

© 2002 The Outside Influence
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