From the Cheap Seats by Dan GlamourWHOA!!! If you are not able to handle the fact that this my third column within the span of a week then please for your own safety, skip this week's column. If you are still reading, then just remember that you have been warned.
"From the Cheap Seats" is taking a look at this week's WWE RAW. I hope that you enjoyed my column on last Saturday's WWE Confidential. Judging from your e-mails, you really could care less because I haven't received a single one. You are all a bunch of Randy Ortons. ALL OF YOU!!!
Three Minute Warning and Rico are "Stonecold" Steve Austin's welcoming committee? What a joke!!! If Eric Bischoff wants to get rid of Austin, then all he needs to do is lure Steve to the parking lot. Have either Rosie or Jamal drive a car and run over Steve Austin. That will take him out for at least a year.
Booker T is getting some mic time but you know what that means. Triple H is also going to get some mic time too. Hell why doesn't Triple H just say "Know Your Role and Shut Your Mouth." I know that this is supposed to build up the Booker T versus Triple H match at Wrestlemania XIX but that does not mean I am going to like it. Why is Booker T fighting Scott Steiner tonight anyway?
Tonight's Wrestlemania moment was from Wrestlemania 2000. Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match between the Hardys, the Dudley Boys, and Edge and Christian. I always enjoy a good TLC match. The showed Jeff Hardy doing a Swanton Bomb from the top of the ladder on top of Bubba Ray Dudley.
So is Jeff Hardy a face again? He attacked Rob Van Dam and Booker T after matches with them. Then he threatens Shawn Michaels and gets "Sweet Chin Music" for his troubles. Next he makes the save for Test and Stacey Kiebler against Chris Jericho and Christian. Jeff then teams up with Shawn against Jericho and Christian. At No Way Out, Jeff faces Chris Jericho and loses. Jeff Hardy then goes ape shit on Chris Nowinski and earns himself a disqualification. Jeff Hardy fought Christian in a decent match tonight but comes up on the short end again.
Eric Bischoff must not like hiring American workers. His first line of defense was Three Minute Warning who are Samoans. His second line of defense against "Stonecold" are Lance Storm and Chief Morley who are both Canadians.
Looks like Val Venis...I mean Chief Morley is going to be returning to the ring full time. This week he gets to wrestle Spike Dudley. Now I would usually give this match my "Bathroom match" of the week award because of Spike but the match had some good implications. It must not have been that important because I looked away for a second and the match was over.
Oh look, a women's tag team match. That can only mean one thing...tonight's "Bathroom Match" is Victoria and Jazz versus Trish Stratus and Jacquie. Yawn!!!
I always enjoy a good Rock and Jonathan Coachman interview segment. Unfortunately it was short one this week. I happen to know that Ray Charles gives excellent hair cuts. The Hurricane has finally found a role for himself on RAW too. He is the perfect foil for the Rock. Give Gregory Helms some more mic time. I can't believe he has braces too just like my Mom. I am so not kidding and don't you be talking about my Mom either. Another funny segment between the Rock and the Hurricane.
Stacey Kiebler is
an idiot. All Test did was sign a couple of
Test versus Chris Jericho was supposed to happen at WWE No Way Out 2003. It was a pretty good match and the end was good too. Christian and Chris Jericho gave Test a Conchairto. Then Shawn Michaels made the save for Stacey again. Chris Jericho nailed him with a chair shot that rivaled the type of chair shot that Shawn Michaels used to give the Undertaker. I am looking forward to Jericho versus Michaels at Wrestlemania XIX. The WWE has really done a good job of building this feud up.
I hate it when a wrestler is supposed to return and then he or she doesn't come back until the end of the program. Both WCW and now the WWE were both guilty of this.
The new Goldust gimmick is lame. And speaking of lame, Chris Nowinski calling out "Stonecold" Steve Austin was dumb too. Then the Dudley Boys attack Chris Nowinski for no reason whatsoever. Bring back Bubba Ray and Devon and finish there feud with Bischoff and Chief Morley.
Stephanie McMahon is the only reason that I would want to see a 1-800-CALL-ATT commercial with Carrot Top. YOU STILL SUCK CARROT TOP!!! Isn't there a conflict of interest in the Dialing Collect wars? Stephanie McMahon is doing a commercial for AT&T and Hulk Hogan is doing a commercial for 10-10-220.
The Rock is acting like "Stonecold" Steve Austin when he turned heel after Wrestlemania XVII. The Rock is dressing like Austin. The Rock is now bald just like Steve Austin. The Rock is even playing the guitar now. He plays it quite well actually.
Poor Al Snow. Now that Tough Enough 3 is off the air, there is nothing left for Al Snow to do except be involved in pointless matches. Kane and Rob Van Dam versus Tommy Dreamer and Al Snow in a hardcore rules match. I guess they wanted to put over Kane and RVD as a team. Oh well.
Speaking of people getting run over by cars..."Stonecold" Steve Austin finally arrives at the arena. But at the Rock's request Steve Austin doesn't have to deal with his "welcoming committee".
This is not really wrestling related but I really enjoy the Starburst Sour commercial with the guy who is picking up his prom date. The entire Hispanic family is there to greet him and as the girl is walking down the stairs, the guy gets a sour face. The girl, who is hot, runs up the stairs crying and it looks like the Hispanic family is going to get the guy a piece of their minds.
Well it seems that the "What" chants have not stopped. "Stonecold" Steve Austin even thanked me too. Yeah I know this is hard to believe but I am that person sitting at home on his ass.
I am really starting to like the Rock again. The Rock was and is a great heel. He can insult the fans and he can genuinely act like a heel. The ending to RAW kind of sucked though. I mean all it was was The Rock challenging Austin at Wrestlemania, Eric Bischoff making Booker T versus the Rock for next week, and then Three Minute Warning getting their ass kicked by "Stonecold". Man, a Samoan just can't take a Stunner. Rikishi was horrible too when got he stunned.
This was definately an average RAW. Good Wrestlemania build up tonight. The return of "Stonecold" sucked. The Rock is really developing as a heel. The Hurricane needs to be on television more and Goldust does not. Next week should be a lot better RAW wise. Hell it is in Cleveland and good things happen when RAW is in Cleveland. I will not be in attendance and instead I will be sitting at home on my ass. Besides all I would have been able to get was "cheap seats".
I will be back again this Friday with another special column. This time I will be looking at WWE Randy Orton and I will also be posting the e-mail that i sent to him. Hey don't be like Randy Orton and send me an e-mail at UWAGLAMOUR@yahoo.com
2003.The Outside Influence
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