Happy Columbus Day!!! Simply put, you are who you are and it doesn't matter what race, religion, or nationality you are. And skin color doesn't either.
Some changes in the column this week. First, I will now be giving one match in the evening the coveted (or not) RAW Bathroom match. The Bathroom match is the match that is so bad that I get up and go to the bathroom during it. I am also instituting a different ratings system for RAW. Still three categories for rating a RAW program now. I was inspired by the Las Vegas theme from last week's RAW. If it was an excellent RAW, then I will say that "I beat the house". If RAW was average, I will say, "I broke even this week". And if RAW sucked then I will write that "I am in the hole this week".
Who is Katie Vick? Who cares? I mean she is dead right? This storyline is a horrible idea. What? Is the only way to beat the Brothers of Destruction by making up stories about women? On WWE Stephdown...err...Smackdown, a hot chick named Tracy accused the Undertaker of having an affair and confessed to Sara "I've hit the wall" Calloway that she did not know that the Undertaker was married. Hello? Did you watch any of the WWF invasion last year Tracy? This obliviously is a plot by the Disputed champion Brock Lesner and his agent Paul Heyman to distract the Undertaker. It would have been easier to stalk Sara, just ask Diamond Dallas Page.
Booker T attacks Jericho this week. I look for a definite match between them at No Mercy. How about this? Goldust/Booker T vs. Chris Jericho/Christian for WWE Disputed Tag Team titles. Oh yeah, Stephdown is going to have its own tag team champions too.
So let's see here, the only titles that will be left after No Mercy are the WWE Disputed title, the World Title, the WWE Disputed Tag Team titles, the World Tag Team titles, the WWE Cruiserweight title, and the WWE Women's title.
Will RAW be getting its own Cruiserweight title? NO!!! The only Cruiserweight on RAW is the Hurricane. Maybe they can trade the Women's title over to WWE Smackdown for a couple of the ring crew guys.
I saw this commercial for a new reality series for Animal Planet. It is about dogs. You heard me right. DOGS!!! This is the dumbest idea for a television series EVER!!! Worse than Anna Nicole Smith's show. If you want to see what reality for a dog is like, then BUY A DOG!!!
I have a confession I want to make....I AM ERIC BISHOFF!!! I just booked a WWE Disputed Tag Team title match for No Mercy. Christian/Jericho vs. Booker T/Goldust. If I really was "Easy E", then I sure as hell would put the World Tag Team titles on Booker T and Goldust.
HERE IS YOUR WINNER AND TONIGHT'S BATHROOM MATCH...LANCE STORM VS. AL SNOW!!!
Oh come on. That is the best that RAW can come up with for the Victoria and Trish Stratus connection. They were both fitness models and Trish made it to the WWE before Victoria. And just think, I was actually interested in the Trish Stratus vs. Victoria...until now. To quote good old JR..."Would someone please stop the damn match!!!"
I just love the WWE No Mercy commercial with Pete Rose and Kane. Pete Rose should be in the Baseball Hall of Fame. I know that it isn't a wrestling topic, I just felt like saying it.
Good highlight reel from the Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match from Vegas RAW!!! I've noticed something. The people you include in a TLC match, the better it is. Remember the Forgotten TLC match from Smackdown. Actually you don't, that is why it is the Forgotten TLC match.
Bite me Eric. Rob Van Dam vs. Ric Flair at No Mercy? Ric Flair is older than dirt and there is no way that he could keep up with RVD. Although Eric redeemed himself by signing a Canadian Leather Strap Lumberjack match between Rob Van Dam and Triple H.
They are really running out of gimmick matches. The WWE is starting to combine gimmick matches. Last week it was a Paddle On A Pole Bra and Panties match between Trish Stratus and Stacey Kiebler. Now all of the Lumberjacks have a leather strap to use. We get to see some people from WWE Sunday Night Heat on MTV. I wonder what day Heat is on anyway?
Damn it!!! I already went to the bathroom already. Jeff Hardy vs. Rico. Is Rico on RAW so that TNN can promote L Las Vegas month. Other than last week's RAW, TNN has done a terrible job with Las Vegas month. Note to TNN, Star Trek: The Next Generation does not represent Las Vegas, Nevada. No, movies like Indecent Proposal and Showgirls do not represent Las Vegas either.
What could Triple H possibly know about Kane's past? I mean Triple H is a horrible investigator. Triple H goes to find out who attacked Shawn Michaels on RAW and it turns out that Triple H put Michaels' head through the car window. How could he have forgotten that he committed the crime?
Look out Terri!!! KANE KILLS WOMEN!!! Hurry, run away, run to the safe of my house in my bedroom, I will keep you safe. Just be sure to bring a change of clothes and underwear is optional. :-)
Pat Patterson speaks French and just ask some guys, he kisses that way too. Were they showing clips of the Ultimate Warrior vs. Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania VI? That wasn't even for the Intercontinental Title. They even had extended clips of Steve Austin vs. Owen Hart from Summerslam 1998. Austin throwing the Intercontinental title off the bridge. They even showed clips of Jeff Jarrett, Razor Ramon, Shawn Michaels, and Bret "The Hitman" Hart. Oh and for those of you keeping score. Razor Ramon was Scott Hall.
Now this sketch takes a bizarre turn. I think everybody and their dead girlfriend knows that Pat Patterson will be over his three minutes. Rosie and Jamal come down and attack Pat Patterson. Then out of nowhere Gerald Brisco comes down to try to make the save. Gerry fails miserably. I was really hoping that Arn Anderson would make an appearance but that did not happen. Instead the Big Show comes down and attacks Rosie and Jamal with a leather strap. Then D'Lo Brown and Jeff Hardy join in on the act with leather straps as well. Most people don't remember but Jeff Hardy and D'Lo Brown are both former Intercontinental champions.
Gee, how coincidental that Bret "The Hitman" Hart was featured in the WWE Anthology commercial. The WWE is really sucking up to the Montreal fans tonight. A lot of Bret Hart clips in the Intercontinental title highlight film.
Oh by the way, in case you didn't notice, Tough Enough 3 will be premiering on MTV this Thursday. That is the only reason that Al Snow is getting any television time right now. Christopher Nowinski is also a Tough Enough contestant. Looks like something is brewing between Al and Chris. Look at those ratings just go through the roof now. Tough Enough is probably the best thing that the WWE has going for it right now. I might actually watch this season.
Did anyone else notice how Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross called Chris Nowinski "Havard" a couple of times? It is time to get some new blood into the broadcast both. I am not saying to get rid of the King and JR but I am saying get rid of the King and JR. I've got two people to fill the spots. Shawn Michaels and Diamond Dallas Page.
Okay, I guess I am Triple H now too. I mean I am typing this as I am watching RAW and I guess someone else caught on to the fact that Terri is interested in Kane and the last girl that Kane had a thing with ended up dead. Actually the last girlfriend Kane had was Tori. She's not on WWE television anymore so that is the equivalent of being dead.
And speaking of being killed IS RANDY ORTON CRAZY!?! You are in Montreal Freaking Canada and you insulted Bret "The Hitman" Hart. I guess you are trying to be a heel but there are a lot of people who probably loved your Bret Hart comments. Canadian wrestling fans are crazy. Randy you'd better not walk around the streets alone. The fans will find you and then beat the shit out of you. I have attended a wrestling event in Canada (Wrestlemania XVIII) so I know.
So is the Big Show a heel or a face? Oh, who the hell cares. Booker T took on the Big Show in a Pin Falls Count Anywhere Match. Has the WWE gotten rid of the word "hardcore" from WWE television? Pretty boring match and since I had ready gone to the bathroom, I was kind of stuck. The highlight of the match was when they took the fight into the Women's locker room. Poor Trish had to get a taste of her own medicine and watch a bad wrestling match. She only had on a towel though. SCORE!!! Since when did Jericho become Joey from the television show "Friends"?
Triple H is the "Game". I mean when is the last time that someone used the old "Put a forklift in front of the door" trick. What a great main even match between Triple H and Rob Van Dam. Lots of quick paced action, which is good for a change, eh Triple H. The lumberjacks beat the hell out of Rob Van Dam when he fell out of the ring. I was laughing out loud (lol now you know) when the lumberjacks just tried to help Triple H back into the ring. Rob Van Dam coming off the top rope on all of the lumberjacks was awesome. The rest of the lumberjacks had the forklift moved and it was ON!!! Cheap victory though. Triple H gets an assist from Ric Flair. I know it was meant to boost Flair vs. Van Dam but that was kind of weak and now what else could the WWE possibly do before Sunday.
I beat the house tonight watching RAW!!! I hope that Katie Vick is never mentioned on WWE television after No Mercy. She is a stupid character and I wish her name was Mae Young because I wish Mae was dead. Another good ending for RAW, Kane is getting pushed to the moon. And I really like it. If the WWE promises to stop doing it, then I will name my first-born Katie Vick like I am going to tell you my last name.
That is it for me. Be sure to check out our No Mercy picks this Friday. It will be a lot of fun.
The Outside Influence
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